Value Added Action
What causes me to act versus do nothing? I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. I got a chance to preach a message about Love in Action this past Sunday. It was the end to our four week sermon series called Love Illuminated. I had a few different ways I could approach the topic. I chose to address it through the idea that humility is the trait we should possess that catalyzes our loving actions towards others. Trying not demonize comfort or convenience in the process was hard, especially in our country where we seem to thrive on both. BTW – I too enjoy the comfort of an afternoon nap and the convenience of eating almost anywhere at anytime.
What I really wanted to convey is that I think that when we examine ourselves, our motives, our words, our predispositions to people and situations, I’m fairly certain we will find pockets if not canyons in our lives void of humility. We may not even truly know what humility is – really.
So, what I hope will happen to me is that I will continue to improve, transform, and grow. That I will seek to follow the example that Jesus set for me in the area of humility. That I will never grow weary of the brutal honesty of his amazing life and the wide chasm that exists sometimes…well, too many times, between my behavior and His when I reflect my life in the mirror of His life. The value of humility in the enhancement of my awareness of others cannot be underestimated. Humility’s value brings love to life where I might not normally even notice or, dare I say, even care.
No Child Left Behind
I’m not talking about the 2001 education bill. I am talking about some of what I have been learning lately. I have been discovering that I love kids. If you knew me you would know that my own kids are grown now. They are amazing young women and I love being their dad. Being dad is something that I have cherished for almost 25 years. When my girls became adults I slowly started to forget what they were like as little kids. So I have been going along for a while looking at little kids with a bit of gladness that I’m past that. I’m just being honest.
But then about two months ago I began a counseling internship as part of a degree program I am in. I thought that I would see a few child clients. I had no idea that almost everyone I am seeing is a child and many of them are suffering. First, I am glad I have been able to have this experience because I know it will make me a better pastor and person. Secondly, I was not prepared for the depth of pain I am hearing about. Finally, I completely underestimated how these sessions would remind me of my own difficulty growing up. It just caught me off guard.
So my purpose in this post is to simply pass on a couple of nuggets to those of you who have kids. Dads, please be available. I don’t mean just be home, but please spend time with your kids. When you are gone all day working, they miss you and want you when you get home. They are yearning for your attention. I know you work hard. That’s awesome but honestly your son or daughter doesn’t really care how hard you work. They love you and would like nothing more than to have your undivided attention. Dads and Moms, please treat each other well in front of your children. I am finding them to be way more insightful than parents give them credit. They know when things are bad between you. Fix it in private and seek every opportunity to get to the bottom of the issue or problem before you call it quits to the marriage. Moms and Dads, your kids should be second to your relationship. How well you maintain your relationship plays a large role in how your children behave and turn out. They are taking their cues from you, they are watching you, and depending on how much they know, they may be really grieving for the both of you.
If you don’t know how to do some of these things, it’s okay, find someone you trust who does. Friends that have been married a long time, find a church with a focus on children and families and seek their help, or find a counselor or marriage and family therapist and go to work on it. Your family and your children are too important not to seek every avenue to a healthy family. I saw a child last week that reminded me of me when I was 12. It could have been me because he was describing exactly how I felt. 38 years later and I was sitting there feeling the same way. It made me wonder whether he would be feeling like me when he is almost 50 or will his dad finally step up and be dad. I’m praying for that and all the other dads who need to.
Believe The Best
I am usually not one to generalize. I think it’s sometimes dangerous and either lumps in or leaves out a lot of exceptions. But lately (well actually longer than lately) I’ve been getting a sense that we are living in a world where we seem to assume the worst in way too many situations. I’m not talking so much about the headlines of the day. I think those things are for a different discussion. I’m talking about those things close to home. Specifically – I’m talking about relationships and communication between people.
I’m a parent, a husband, a co-worker, I’m on the roads, and I shop and deal with lots of people everyday. You do too. Because of what I do I get to talk to lots of people and I have a front row seat to amazing life changing things in people’s lives. Some of those events are good and some are not so good. I would say that a large majority of the not so good involves relationships that are in trouble. When that happens there is usually some part of it where the parties involved are assuming the worst first instead of first believing the best. There is a point when this gets really bad and that is when there is no communication between the people involved. At this point assuming the worst becomes even easier and this is where my heart breaks for people.
See, here is what I both believe and know – when we start to get in the habit of believing the best – things change for the better. Not right away or maybe even for a while, but they do change. I also know and believe that when people sit in front of each other and talk calmly and in a civil manner (believing the best of the other), things eventually get better or at least they become clearer. It is almost impossible, in my opinion, to know the heart of another if you are not willing to sit with them and see their heart, their eyes, their pain, and their emotion for you. Email, twitter, facebook, or a friend cannot replace sitting before that person and having that discussion no matter how hard it might be.
Believing the best is also about a change in attitude. It is amazingly easy to find a flaw in someone or something. Honestly, it makes us feel good when we can feel better about ourselves by finding something wrong with the way the person in front of us is driving or how they are shopping or how they talk on the phone. What if we simply believed the best about everyone we encounter? What would happen if we got into the routine of thinking, speaking, and extolling the best about our situations, the people around us, and those that we are accountable to? I think we might be attuned to good things first instead of the negative. That would make talking, helping, sacrificing for, and loving easier. Or so I think!
Full of it…
A couple of days ago I was reading a section of the bible from the book of Matthew in the New Testament. In this section Jesus was calling Matthew to be a disciple. Before Jesus picks him for the team of 12 Matthew was a tax collector. Back in the day tax collectors were not well liked at all. Not only does Jesus select Matthew but he also sits and has dinner with him and all of his tax collector friends. Standing outside watching this scene was a group of Pharisees. Pharisees were these dudes who represented the strict religious sect of the day. They were particularly prickly about this Jesus guy and what he was up to. In Matthew 9:11 they want to know why Jesus would eat with tax collectors and sinners. Jesus looks up from his dinner having heard their grumbling and lets them know why. He tells them that healthy people don’t need a doctor and then he let’s them know why he came. First he says; “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” Then he says; “For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (Matthew 9:13).
Ugggh… it hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes I can be so full of it. Sometimes in my own (self)righteousness I completely blow by the opportunity to show mercy. Sometimes, I can look at someone and run through a host of thoughts, judgments, or ideas that are not good. I’m the Pharisee outside grumbling at Jesus instead of being Jesus for that person or that situation. Then, I realize that it has circled right back around to me and my sin. Ultimately, what I can forget is that He came for me too because I’m as jacked up as anyone else (maybe more) and I really need him way more than my own false righteousness. Only then can I see clearly enough to extend the kind of mercy that might actually help someone.
Gel Groups – Why You Should Go
It was the last place I ever imagined myself. Me, sitting in somebody’s living room that I barely know, talking about what’s in the Bible. Really? That was twelve years ago. I came to Forefront as they were filling new groups. I remember when one of the pastors called me to talk about what group Robyn (my wife) and I would attend. I told him that we were planning on attending separate groups. He said that we should attend one group together. What he didn’t know is that we were very close to separating and didn’t really enjoy hanging out with each other anymore. We ended up going together and I dreaded it. The first night was a potluck with about 10 people that I had never met before. For 90 minutes I sat in that living room eating while the five year old daughter of one of the other members of the group talked to me nonstop.
Fast forward 12 years later. I have a new group now. It’s the third group I’ve been a part of. Our new group will meet for only the second time tonight. Eight people will get together in my living room and we’ll begin to forge this thing called “Biblical Community.” What I pray will happen is that we will become very good friends who will work together to learn how God can transform us to be more like Jesus. I also pray that it will blow up into something huge so that we can break it up and make more groups for new people to join so they can also discover God . I’m hopeful and encouraged that this will happen because my life was changed so dramatically for the good because of my very first Gel Group. Crazier yet is that since that October evening in 1999, I finished my Navy career and joined the staff of Forefront in 2005 as the Gel Groups Pastor.
If you have never been in a group, please try one. If you were in a group before and are not currently in a group now, please call me and let’s get you connected again. It will change your life.
BTW, that 5 year old that talked my ear off is now 17. Anna Lise is the daughter of my best friend Dan. Dan and I met at that Gel Group 12 years ago and have been friends ever since. Truth is we’re not just friends, we’re best friends. He is like a brother to me. That would have never happened without that Gel Group.
Global Impact 2012 – Vietnam Part IV
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” (Matt 5:8, NIV). When I read the bible, I sometimes picture people in my mind who exemplify a particular verse or section of a paragraph. Watching someone live out the words of the bible really leave an impact with me. I love and admire those that set an example for others. They make me want to be better.
Tony Bates was one of those people and that verse at the beginning of Matthew chapter 5 says everything you need to know about him. Tony died suddenly this past July. It was heart wrenching for those of us that knew him. Tony was a friend to so many people including the people of Ta Phin, Vietnam. It was there that Tony left a huge legacy as the quiet, hard working man with the camera and a smile. Tony made two trips to Vietnam. His last trip was in 2010. During his two trips, Tony helped to construct the cement pad in front of the school, built the computer lab that the school now enjoys, and he took thousands of pictures that have helped to document our work there. Tony’s biggest impact was his presence.
Tony Bates was quiet and very wise. He spent a career in the military and then worked as a civilian loading Navy ships with supplies. It was difficult work but like everything else, Tony saw it as both a blessing and an opportunity to love on others. He was a family man with three grown children and grand children. His family is amazing. In 2010, Tony used his most important gift, that of family man to help comfort a young translator whose mother had died while she was away with our team. Tony and the other team members stayed with the woman and consoled her until they had to get on the plane and come home. Knowing Tony, I knew that she was in good hands. Tony – ship loader, dad, husband, grandfather, retired military guy, a man with a photography hobby and a heart larger than the distance that separates Virginia Beach from Vietnam left a lasting legacy for all of us to emulate.
His life and legacy leave us with valuable lessons. Tony lived a life that was centered on service to others. None of us know how long we actually will have this side of heaven. We are really only given the certainty of this moment. With so many opportunities to help others, Tony’s life and story serves to remind us of the reason we are here. It’s for others sake.
Global Impact 2012 – Vietnam Part III
They were walking up the road towards the school carrying an 18 month old baby. From a distance nothing seemed wrong. We were nearing the end of our work day. Two of our team had just completed a very successful day instructing the teachers at the school in student centered learning techniques while the rest of us had just finished work on a new fence for the school. The young couple came into the school yard and through translation we learned that their baby was sick and they knew there was a nurse on our team. At home, that nurse runs a pediatric emergency room. Her name is Monica and she was on her second trip to Vietnam and was out in the yard helping to build the fence when the family showed up at the school looking for her. We went into an empty classroom so Monica could examine the little girl. She had a very bad infection in her leg. There was a sore that was pouring pus. It was an awful sight and it was obvious the baby was in pain. About all Monica could do was clean the area and instruct the parents how to keep the infected sore clean. I watched as Monica very carefully looked at the baby and talked to the parents through a translator. The parents were so relieved to find someone to care for their baby. When Monica was done, she hugged the mom, the dad, and the baby. As she did, she silently prayed for the health of the baby. When they left, she said the baby had a serious infection that could kill her. We learned much later that the baby survived.
Whenever I think of that day, I wonder what would have happened had we never gone to Vietnam. I wonder what would have happened to that baby had Monica never latched on to the vision of serving those people. This is really the whole amazing point. God uses regular people to do incredible things. That particular trip had a nurse, a sailor, a pastor, a flower arranger, a teacher, and a mother of five. Every trip has had different people that have come from all kinds of backgrounds but they all shared the common ability to build relationships.
The gate we built looks awesome. There are now a couple of hundred teachers that have learned some fantastic ways to teach their kids, clean water is flowing, and the school yard has a cement pad to play on. All that is good but the best thing of all is that we have established very deep and meaningful relationships and the people that have gone to Vietnam have been changed. Most of those people on that trip have gone back multiple times. Monica came home and became the Vice-President of Aidnow, which is a non-profit that was started to serve the needs of people in Southeast Virginia and globally in Vietnam.
Monica is going back to Vietnam in 2012 as one of our trip leaders. In fact she is leading our entire effort next year. So, if you want to learn more about what is going on in 2012, come on out on Sunday, November 6, 2011, to Ocean lakes High School Room 107 at 8:30 am and she’ll tell you how you can make an impact.
Stay tuned to learn about a man whose legacy of service to Ta Phin school lives on.
Global Impact 2012 – Vietnam Part II
During the last dinner before heading home from my first trip to Vietnam I was presented with a bit of food that I will never forget. From what I can tell, it was a radish pickled in something. As my team leader looked on, I stuck the whole thing in my pie hole and crunched away. Did it taste good? Not particularly, but I remembered my training and made it look like it was the best thing I ever ate! It didn’t matter what it was really. We had just finished an amazing week in a place I have since fallen in love with.
That was In 2007. That year, the first team of Forefronters travelled to Vietnam to see what could be done to serve a people group there called the Red Dao (pronounced Zow). The Red Dao are what is referred to as an ethnic minority in the country of Vietnam. This particular ethnic minority people reside in several other countries and are referred to there as the Mien people. In 2001, Forefront adopted the Mien and committed to serving them wherever they were. In 2006, we located them in a little village in northern Vietnam called Ta Phin through a very interesting and weird set of circumstances. Once we found them we knew we needed to go and see them, become their friends, and try to help them with whatever they may need.
On the trip, we were introduced to Vietnamese culture and the culture of the ethnic minorities. We noticed that there were very clear differences between the two cultures. In order for us to be of help, we realized that we would also be helping the Vietnamese who lived in worked in the same area as the Red Dao. The Red Dao children attend Vietnamese schools and it was in the village area around the Ta Phin Middle School where we met both Vietnamese officials and Red Dao people. Through these first interactions, we were able to see that there was a need for clean water, shelter, and educational assistance. The first meetings were very formal and there was probably a bit of wonder on both our parts as to how, if ever, we could work together. We could not have imagined what would happen over the next four years.
We’ll talk about that tomorrow and you’ll learn how a nurse, a pastor, a teacher, a traveling salesman, and a sailor can turn the world upside down 9,000 miles away!
Global Impact 2012 – Vietnam Part 1
For the last five years, Forefront Church has been engaging the people of Ta Phin, Vietnam in big ways. There are some amazing opportunities for us in 2012 and we will be discussing those in an informational meeting at 8:30am on Sunday, November 6, 2012 at Ocean Lakes High School. This week I’m going to tell you how this effort started by sharing some amazing stories of people just like you that have gone and changed the world for many people in this beautiful part of the world. Only God could craft what has been happening!
Maybe after you hang out here and read these accounts you’ll want to hear more – that would be awesome! Maybe you already know you want to go and will be there – amazing! Or, maybe you have no idea but want to check it out – that’s great too! Whatever your reason, check it out this week and learn what God has been doing through this church and others that we partner with.
Learn
This week I am taking a course related to a degree I am working on. It really doesn’t matter what it’s about. What I have been thinking about is how cool it is to learn and how important it is to be open to learning new things. When I sit with people that are learning, I learn from them too. Most of them are younger than me too so if you are older and you think you know more, well, in some things maybe but really we need to be open to learn from anyone.
I don’t ever want to be so married to my own views and opinions that I am not open to what others can teach me. I want to grow, I want be enlightened, and challenged. I even want to be taken a little off balance. I want to be disturbed and shaken up a bit by what others say or believe so that I can chew on it and investigate it for myself. I’m also pretty sure I’ll learn something new which is really cool.
